Below the Belt

Backstory: Our lab, Blackie, has separation anxiety so extreme that she is anxious even when we are home. She follows me from room to room everywhere I go. If she could insert herself under my skin, or bond with me at the molecular level, her anxieties might possibly be eased. As both of these options break the laws of physics, I guess I am stuck with my furry shadow. This wouldn't be a problem except that a.) our kitchen was designed by a sadist and becomes impassable if more than one person enters it and b.) Blackie tends to lie down about three inches behind my feet when I am working at the counter, so when I take a step back she gets stepped on and I take a header into the counters. Good times.

So today I had a brainstorm and placed a little rug in the kitchen, but out of the traffic pattern, for Blackie to lay down on. When she gets in my way, I tell her to go to her rug and pat/praise her copiously when she does. I am guardedly optimistic that this plan could keep us both out of casts.

Anyhoo, back to the below-the-belt-y-ness. When T got back from his weekend of hunting (no resentment here! Nuh uh! Bring on the single parenting!) I told him that I was trying a little experiment in the kitchen.

Completely deadpan, he looked me in the eye and said, "What? Cleaning?"

And then didn't understand why I didn't think that was as funny as he did. Of course, I am the first to admit that I am not a good housekeeper, but when he added insult to injury by tacking on "I've cleaned the kitchen more than you have this week!" it was all I could do not to pinch his head off (to borrow a phrase from my mother).

I guess he thinks magic elves come and put the dishes in the dishwasher and then unload it again. And that he has accomplished something amazing by putting his (many) dishes near (not in) the dishwasher. Does he think that dishes don't accumulate over the day and that maybe that plate sitting out is from lunch and not the night before? Aaaarg! That I have loaded the dishwasher today - possibly multiple times! - but those darn kids just insist on eating regularly? What really irks me is that I produce less than 20% of the dirty dishes but take care of well over 95%? Isn't there another adult in this house who could run the dishwasher?

I'm all bent out of shape, but I know that he didn't mean for me to take his seriously. He thought he was being hilarious and cracked himself up for ten minutes. Still. Humph.


  1. ohmigosh. i swear i was reading your post but thought it was MY husband you were talking about. i don't know how many times i clean throughout the day, whatever he walks into when he comes home, he thinks is the status of our home. the toys may be out for the 15th time that day, i may have the THIRD round of dishes in the sink still, but it doesn't matter what I've done, it only matters what it looks like when he sees it.

    love the saying "pinch his head off" and i can't wait to use it! lol

  2. I have a dog like that the rug should work well, also if you don't have a kennel or doghouse you'll be surprised how much she'll love it! We have a kennel and I thought they were mean but the other dog eats the walls so we got one and the shadow dog loves it so much!

  3. OK, you have my husband AND my dog. The dog I can forgive, the husband makes me so mad I could scream. His idea of "cleaning" the kitchen has never included wiping the counters or the stove, or sweeping up afterwards... if he loads the dishwasher he's "cleaned the kitchen". Drives me to the brink of insanity.

  4. Silly boys! I am an awful housekeeper! I don't clean... but I do do the dishes and the laundry. I get points for that, right?


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