The Circle of Life Can Bite Me

With all the unrelenting SAD of losing my dad last fall, the fact that my mom has advanced Alzheimer's has kind of flown under the radar.  We moved her from south Texas to Ginormousville where she would be close to Sister L.  She had a series of small strokes and ended up in the hospital.  Disappointingly, her condition deteriorated to where she could no longer live in an assisted living situation and we* found her a nursing home specializing in dementia care.

This seemed to be a much better fit for her care than assisted living.  They took care of all the less glamorous portions of patient care at no extra charge and we no longer had to have the round the clock sitters to prevent injury from falls.  As an added bonus, her new home was right around the block from Sister L, so she has been able to check in on her all the time.

For a (short) while, all seemed to be well.  Was she was moving around less?  Maybe... well, yes.  Was she was talking/babbling less?  Okay, also yes.  Had her appetite had decreased?  Possibly.  Again, yes. 

Maybe all wasn't well. 

The reports this week have not been good.  She has lost all interest in eating.  She hasn't taken anything orally since Sister L coaxed some apple juice into her over the weekend.  She has a DNR, so feeding tubes are out of the question - and prolonging her life in this condition would not be a kindness. 

So maybe it is her time.  She would HATE being in the state she is in.  She had a lovely life.  Was married 50 years.  Raised three daughters.  Blah, blah, blabity suck, suck, suckage.  I hate this.

In theory, I am prepared for her loss in a way that I was not prepared for my dad's sudden and somewhat unexpected death.  Mom left the building long ago.  What remains is just a shell.  But now that her time is upon me, I am not prepared at all.




*By 'we' I mean Sister L.  She did all of the hard work of finding nice places for mom to live.  For this, her sisters are eternally grateful.

Fail

Today was a day for the record books here at Casa Critical Mass.  We covered the whole range from tragic to ridiculous.  None of it handled with any sort of grace.  I'm glad this day is over and the kids are in bed.  I see a bowl of ice cream in my future.

We started out with the tragedy.  A boy at Z's school died in a boating accident over the weekend.  Not in her class, but some one she knew.  The school sent home a letter letting the parents know what was going on and giving us the opportunity to talk about it at home before they discussed it at school.  I stumbled around the lead in and finally dropped the bad news like a bomb.  Fail.  We have talked about before, so she appeared to take the news that his spirit was up in heaven pretty well. 

She was quiet for a minute or two then somehow the discussion got all mixed up with the dead bird we saw at the park yesterday.  "Why don't the spirits of the birds go to heaven?"  That led to an uncomfortable (for me) discussion of caskets and cemeteries and how birds don't have anyone to bury them when they die.  Oh, the perils of a smart child!

Fast forward to after school.  Hubs helpfully left a giant irresistible accident waiting to happen wash tub of ashes from the fireplace on the back porch.  The kids had gotten into it, and he promised to move it... but he didn't.  Q came in covered from head to toe in ashes.  He had them in his hair, caught in his eyelashes, ground into the knees of his pants, and stuck in a grotesque mask to his runny nose.  Blech! 

Into the bath with him!  When we got in the bathroom, I noticed (again) that Z had pulled her brush apart.  I got my Gorilla Super Glue (an awesome product, by the way.  It holds my house together.  I totally recommend it.) and glued it back together.  When I was done, I put the cap back on and set it on the counter while I bathed Q.

As I was finished rinsing off Q, I got a brainstorm to give Holly a bath in Q's leftover bath water.  She has been digging holes  in the yard and was filthy.  The last time I attempted it, I think I got wetter than she did!  But this time, I had a brainstorm to use a leash to loop around the support bar and keep her in the tub.  Genius!  I ran to the utility room to grab a leash and was running back when I met Q, buck naked, coming the opposite direction. 

"I bring your glues, Mama!" he said as he hands the super glue to me.  When I take it, I see that he has unscrewed the cap.  And is sticky.  And he is naked.  And what does my son like to hold on to when he is naked?  That's right: his parts.  Ack!  Danger, Will Robinson!  With visions of the most embarrassing trip to the ER ever dancing in my head, I may or may not have shrieked like a howler monkey, "Hands up!  Hands Up!!  HANDS UP!!!"  as I watched his hands drifting down to perform a routine check. 

I think I totally traumatized him.  As I rushed him back into the tub, his eyes were round as saucers and not a little bit hurt and confused.  He had not made the connection that the glue on his hand would have stuck to his junk.  Luckily, all's well that ends well.  I managed not to let him super glue himself to anything.  Whew!

Now we skip ahead to dinner time.  I was bustling around the kitchen with two kids and four dogs under my feet, so I banished everyone to the living room.  Not wanting me to think they had been replaced by pod people, my children only retreated as far as the dining room.  They were playing some strange combo game of school and doctor's office.  Unfortunately, they set up shop right next to the microwave and I didn't want to slop boiling water on them, so I goose stepped them into the living room.

A little later, I rounded the corner into the living room to find their game had shifted wholly to doctor.  As in doctor.  Gynecology style.  Z had her legs in the air and Q was using a toy syringe to give her a shot.  Inside her panties.  Just. Kill. Me.  We're going to have to move away and become hillbillies!  Head spinning around, I sent them to their rooms.  All that was missing was the pea soup for a complete horror flick.

After I recovered from my little stroke, I realized that I needed to make sure this was all innocent curiosity and not a sign of something more sinister.  I calmly asked questions and Z assured me that no one besides a doctor had ever touched those places before.  Well, at least there is that.  I called T and told him I needed reinforcements.  Pronto!

After he got home, we sat down to dinner.  We broached the topic of the doctor incident and T took over to put in his two cents.  He has a more Q&A parenting style.  He says his piece, then asks questions.  He looked at Q and asked, "So why don't you touch your sister's bits?"  His earnest reply?  "Because they are icky!"

And then I died.  The end.

Halloween Recap

Happy Halloween!
We had a great Halloween. It was the first event that Z and Q got to do with their cousins. We started out at my aunt's house for chocolate and photo ops. Q fell asleep in the car on the way over, so he was a bit of a grump. But chocolate soothes the savage beast and soon he was having a ball. Our next stop was a Halloween block party. There must have been 100 kids and their parents there. We ate hot dogs and too much candy sitting on the lawn.

Half the time we couldn't see where our kids were, but the cool part was that my cousins knew everyone there so we didn't have to worry.

Q stole his baby cousin's sword and was the happiest flying monkey on the block. Here he is running away from Mama and her pesty camera. He absolutely refused to put his hood up and look monkey like. You'd think he was two or something. Oh, yeah - he is!

Z's cousin asked her if she was the Wicked Witch of the West (she was). Her response? No, I'm the Wicked Witch of ALL the Directions!

Here he is with his hood up! This trick-or-treating is serious business!

We had a great time and were exhausted by the end of the night. I was hoping the munchkins would have a sugar crash on the way home, but we had no such luck.

Surprise!

Say what you want about in-laws, but my in-laws ROCK! They are in town this weekend and not only did they kid-wrangle and build a play set, they threw me a surprise birthday party! With cake and presents and everything.

The kids were thrilled because I got to blow the candles out twice (our videographer {GanGan} wasn't ready the first time and the candles would have melted too much if we waited for him!). If I had done it one more time, it would have almost equalled the number of candles that should be on my cake. I will be celebrating the tenth anniversary of my 29th birthday next month.

They said they weren't going to see me until after my birthday, so they wanted to surprise me now. I won the in-law lotto.

Just Kill Me

When I picked Q up from Mother's Day Out today, his teacher asked me if I knew he, erm, played with himself. A lot. Clearly embarrassed, she was looking everywhere but at me. You could have started a bonfire from the flames I burst into.

Of course I know that he does it at home, but I hadn't thought about his doing it at school. We have tried everything from putting a onsie under his clothes to snapping a onsie on the outside of his pants, but he still always manages to get to the goods. We even have verbal shorthand to make him quit. When we see him digging in his pants, we say, "Hands up!" and he stops. For like a second. I swear, I have to say 'hands up' so often that it sounds like I'm holding up a convenience store!

Until he went to Mother's Day Out, he had hardly ever been out of my sight, so I know there hasn't been anything inappropriate going on. I even asked my doc about it and he said that some boys are just like that.

I don't want to give him shame issues where his parts are concerned, but I would like to get him to ease up on the joy stick thing. Any suggestions? Halp!

Things to Do

Here are some fun things we have done over the years in no particular order:

4-wheeling. Check the p*rn star 'stache on T. Nice, huh?

Climb a mountain. So about the safety.

Discover lost relics from old mining towns. Here? An old log sled up Sawmill Pass.

Take a carriage ride/historical tour of Lake City. Unfortunately, the high cost of living drove this nice couple elsewhere. Rats.

Ride a horse until you walk funny.

See the innards of the Old 100 Mine. What did I learn on this tour? That I am SO not cut out to be a miner.

View gorgeous horizons with your grandfather. Priceless.

OMG With the Picnics!

Here we are at Carson Creek. We could hardly keep Z out of the water. Q wasn't quite as enthusiastic, but got into it eventually!

This pic isn't great, but it was taken by a three-year-old! Z was so proud!

Hair by marshmallow.

Gratuitous Baby Portraits

In the rich and time honored tradition of over-photographing your first born, we had portraits of Z taken every month of her first year. These were taken in a privately owned garden that is open to the public.

Here's my girl eating some dirt!
I had this trio framed and gave it to all the grandparents,
and kept one for myself. LOVE!

Here she is thinking so hard that her brain exploded!

A precursor of things to come? Check the evil gleam in her eye. I love this shot!

In the rich and time honored tradition of the second child getting the shaft, I only managed to have Q's portrait made six times. I have yet to get any of them framed.

Oh, noes!

So the one time my post-chemo dad comes to visit in two years? I give him the plague. He called me up this evening (unheard of as we had our weekly chat yesterday) wanting to know my symptoms. Fever? Check. Headache with neck pain? Check. Nausea? Check. And he has the added fun of stomach cramps. Sigh. I told him to stay at the hotel! The good news is that by the time the vomiting kicked in, it was almost over. Maybe he has just skipped to the fun parts and will be done tomorrow. Man, I hope so.

Happy Birthday, Aunt B

My Aunt B turned 70 this week and her children threw her a big surprise party. So for the last month or so, I have been brimming with excitement over my whole family coming to visit. But not able to blog about it! (Thanks for being a regular reader, Aunt B! You are totally worth a little blogging frustration!)

Aunt B is one of the sharpest ladies I know, so I was just sure she would know something was up, but she was truly surprised when she arrived at the restaurant to see her brother (my dad) and sister there to greet her. My sisters were a surprise, too. As well as 40 or so of her closest friends. (Everyone here knows my aunt, so the difficulty was where to draw the line so as no to invite the entire town!)


For me, the fun part of a surprise party is all of the high-jinx and close calls that precede them. This party had more than its fair share! First off, my aunt has been staying with her daughter down near the coast while Aunt B underwent some medical treatments. This was all well and good except that it made it quite difficult for Cousin S to discuss party arrangements with Cousins N and P and almost impossible for her to complete the work of art scrapbook of Aunt B's life. My cousin was staying up until midnight every night trying to complete the scrapbook while my aunt was asleep!

My other aunt, Aunt M, arrived on the Wednesday before the party. She had to hide out at Cousin N's house for three days! If everything had gone according to plan, Aunt B would have been in town, and Cousin N would have had some real juggling to do. As it turned out, Aunt B had to stay for some treatments and was not in town for Aunt M to hide from. It did, however, cause some problems on the other end!

Aunt B was supposed to come back to west Texas Friday afternoon. Cousin S was going to catch a later flight and had packed her bags waaaaay in advance and taken them to her office so that her mom wouldn't see them and get suspicious. As luck would have it, Aunt B's treatment got bumped again and she ended up on a later flight than Cousin S! My cousin had to think fast and told my aunt that she had planned to surprise her at Cousin N's baby's christening on Sunday. So she changed her flight and they flew in together.

At the same time as my sister and her husband from California! Luckily, they were on different flights, but our airport is pretty darn small. They arrived at the same time. Sister K and her hubs were walking down the hall when Cousin S caught sight of them. Luckily, Aunt B was facing the other direction and they were able to duck out of sight. My sister then panics that Aunt B is going to see Daddy out front, so starts frantically trying to get through the five layers of bank security on her Blackberry so she can call to warn him. Luckily, Bro-in-law is a quick draw with a cell phone. He got through and disaster was averted. Phew!

The party was in the atrium at a favorite Mexican food place. It was gorgeous! And HOT! The kids played in a little fountain to cool off, but the adults just had to slam copious amounts of tea. The food was great - especially the guacamole. I could have eaten the whole tray by myself! Aunt M's cakes were divine. A good time was had by all!

Back

Well. There has been SO much going on that I have had NO time to write about it! The short version:

1. Family arrived on Thursday for surprise party.
   
2. Party ALL weekend.
   
3. When all the festivities were over, have most unpleasant relapse and spend next 24 hours in bed.
   
4. Wake up refreshed but very much behind.

So there you are! All caught up. I am still feeling a little wrung out, so I am going to opt for sleep (or vegging in front of Tivo) rather a long post tonight. But post I will! Eventually. Maybe.

Good Times

The title isn't even sarcastic! We had the. best. time. playing with the cousins today. We met up with Cousin P and her two munchies and Cousin N and her four came, too. It was awesome! The kids all played so nicely together. This is a miracle as Z and her cousin C are cut from the same cloth and are born to lead.

We went to one of those indoor bounce places. Will the wonders of this not-so-small town ever cease? It was a blast and on a Friday morning, not too busy. Then we all caravanned to Cousin P's house for lunch. Her house makes my house look like we don't like kids. My kiddos were in heaven with all of the cool new toys. In fact, the only outburst of the day came from Q. He seriously DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE. He went from his usual mellow self to screaming like I was stabbing him. He kept it up for at least half of the 15 mile drive home. Whee.

Cousin P has been so generous with inviting me into her circle of friends. She has me all set up to go to her playgroup and to come to a trunk show party. Fun! This is so much easier than when I moved to Small Town and didn't know a soul for months! Yay Wester!

Cousin N says she likes to to the Wester splash park, so hopefully we will be able to coordinate that soon. I just love having family so close by!

Rescued!

I contacted the designer about my little background problem, but was not able to resolve the issue. Poor Critical Mass was homely as a mud fence all. day. long.

Super Dad to the rescue! He studied on it for the afternoon and had the solution waiting for me when I got home.

Turns out, the URL provided by My Cute Graphics wasn't the actual URL of the background graphic. He rummaged around the in the source code and found the real URL. My hero!

49 Years

My parents have been married for 49 years today. Whoa. That is some accomplishment! Unfortunately, the anniversary is bittersweet. Though she has good days and bad days, Alzheimer's has robbed us of my mother. She is past the point of being able to recognize anyone. And adding insult to injury, her particular flavor of Alzheimer's made her forget Daddy first. He said that she seemed to enjoy the attention she got on their anniversary, but had no idea what it was about.

Sigh.

Z's Dancing Debut

Z had her recital this weekend. As the center of attention, she was completely in her element! She was very excited about getting her hair and make-up done, even if she was a little leery of the curling iron. This was her first experience with crunchy-hairspray-hair. She couldn't stop touching it. By the time she got on stage, the center of her bangs were pretty much flat to her head. As for the make-up, I am completely blown away with the fact that it was even possible for her to get even more gorgeous with the judicious application of eye shadow, liner, mascara and a little pink lip stick. Wow. We are really going to have to worry in about ten years!

Z completely stole the show. With her great dancing skills, you ask? Nope. She stole the show by not dancing at all. She was the youngest one in the whole production. And it showed. She stood on stage petting her little fringe skirt and trying to squint through the lights to find us in the audience. It was hilarious. Everyone was laughing at her in a good natured way.

The second time she came on stage was for her ballet routine. She was every bit as cute that

time, even if she did actually dance. Well, 'dance' might be a bit of a stretch, but she moved around and looked vaguely ballerina-like. Someday, when T and I actually live in the same house again, I will post a (brief) video of her performance. I actually haven't seen it yet. I can't wait!

In keeping with Casa Critical Mass tradition, we had no fewer than five cameras trained on our little dancer at an

y one time. Her father was able to attend, as were his parents and my sister and bro-in-law. Z was so thrilled to see them all.

Sister L/Aunt L may have even managed to eclipse her excitement about T's visit. There was a big let down after everyone went home, which I guess is understandable. My heart broke (again) this evening at bed time when she looked up at me and said, "I want my daddy." Me, too, little ballerina. Me, too.

Home Again, Home Again

It is always such a relief to return home after a trip. Especially a trip where your children's behavior could be used as an ad for birth control. Usually they save their more unpleasant behaviors for Grandma and me - in the privacy of our homes. In public? Angels.

Except for yesterday.

Grandma's sister celebrated her 78th birthday yesterday and we went over for a little potluck lunch to celebrate. For the first time, maybe ever, my kids were sulky and sullen to the assembled great aunts and uncles. They wouldn't talk to anyone or reply when spoken to directly. Z, the most outgoing child in the world, hid her face in my armpit. Q threw a doozie of a tantrum that required that I remove him bodily from the room so as not to (further) deafen the old people.

And lunch? Oh, lunch. We ate in Aunt J's formal dining room, which is carpeted. Rice. Fruit salad with berries(!). German chocolate cake. Did I mention that Aunt J is fastidious in the extreme? I spent the whole meal one fork away from a panic attack. I think I managed to pick everything up before it got ground into the carpet, but the table cloth was a total lost cause. Sigh.

Then after lunch, my formerly lump-like children started running around like headless chickens - a pursuit made even more dangerous/annoying by the fact that Aunt J's taste in decorating leans toward fragile porcelain dolls on stands on the floor, doilies, and many, many delicate porcelain flowers.

The other great aunt in attendance kept telling me not to worry; that all of the adults there were parents, too. Good advice, but good luck following it! By the time we left, I was completely wrung out. The kids didn't want to take naps, but I certainly did!

The Drowsy House*

There is a house,

a drowsy house,

where everyone is sleeping.

And in that house,

there is a bed,

a comfy bed,

in a drowsy house,
where everyone is sleeping.

And on that bed,

there is a blanket,

a cuddly blanket,

on a comfy bed,
in a drowsy house,

where everyone is sleeping.

And under that blanket,

there is a mama,

an exhausted mama,

under a cuddly blanket,
on a comfy bed,in a drowsy house,
where everyone is sleeping.

And near that mama,

there is a Q,

a snoozy Q,

near an exhausted mama,
under a cuddly blanket,

on a comfy bed,

in a drowsy house,

where everyone is sleeping.

And by that Q,

there is a Z...

Can it be? A wakeful Z

by a snoozy Q,
near an exhausted mama,

under a cuddly blanket,
on a comfy bed,
in a drowsy house,
where everyone is sleeping.

A wakeful Z

who pokes the Q,

who startles the mama,

who tangles the blankets

and stumbles from bed

in the drowsy house

where NO ONE now

is sleeping.

When Z is awake, we are all awake. Regardless of sickness or time of day or night. She must have an audience. Always.

*Adapted from The Napping House by Audry Wood

Easter Wrap-Up

We had a lovely, if quiet, Easter. T was 500 miles away in New Town and the grandparents were at the ranch, so it was just the kids and me. We had been having gorgeous perfect weather, so what happened on Easter eve? Thunder storm. With hail. It beat the heck out of my beautiful (brand new) pink geraniums. Sigh.

So I just moved the festivities indoors. I dressed the kids in their Easter ensembles - Z with a long sleeve shirt underneath - and set them loose on the Easter baskets. Even though they had almost identical contents, Q was obsessed with everything in Z's basket. Of course. So tears were shed. Z was so sweet trying to tempt him with offerings from his basket, "Look, Q! Sun glasses! And a bubble sword!" But eventually she lost patience and reverted to the tried and true, "MINE!"

Then I stuffed the kids into my room and hid eggs all over the rest of the house. It was a ridiculous number of eggs for two small children, but what can I say? I'm a sucker for holidays and happy children. Z is a notoriously bad look-er. Basically, if she didn't trip over it, she can't find them. Hmm... she's the same way with shoes! Q, on the other hand, was a surprisingly good egg finder. He is slower moving and more methodical.

It didn't matter who found what because in our house, all candy is communal. We had a big bowl and the kids and I emptied the contents of all the eggs into it. As we were doing this, I conducted a little parental experiment. All the feeding books say that young children will self-regulate food intake if given the opportunity, so I let them eat the candy without any restrictions. Sugar isn't taboo at our house, so it wasn't like they didn't ever get to have candy. My kids? Hovered over the candy bowl like two little pigs at the trough. The only thing slowing them down was their fine motor skills - they couldn't get the wrappers off.

After about an hour, I decided that I would intervene so that I didn't have to clean up anything disgusting later. I attempted to feed them lunch then the sugar crash hit. Everyone was cranky and whiny. They fought it, but they both conked out and took nice long naps.

The only thing the day needed to be perfect was T.

Man Questions

Which is to say, questions about men, not the questions men ask!

So if you had the whole garage in which to lean something, where would you put it? If you answered in front of the dryer vent, you and T are on the same page!

If you have sterling silverware, where do you keep it? I inherited my in-laws' silver, and Dr. Dad-in-law is having kittens because it isn't in a safe deposit box. Sure it's safe there - you can't ever use it!

If you had an entire closet full of heavy, ahem, hunting supplies, how many boxes would you put it in? That's right! One! I'll see you after we get back from the emergency hernia repair!*


*T did not really give himself a hernia, though he did put about a million pounds of ammo in one box. So maybe I should say he hasn't given himself a hernia yet.

Post-birthday Wrap Up

Not to brag or anything (okay, I am totally bragging), but I ROCKED the kids' birthdays this year. My mom wasn't much for birthday parties. I was the third kid and she was tired. After the year she ordered the 3-D Cookie Monster cake and I got the flu so she had to cancel the party she was pretty much done. I was three. Anyhoo, I guess that is why I feel compelled to at least put forth some effort in the party area.

Z's princess party was the event of the year with the pre-school set. We had it at the Princess Room of a local store. Z calls it the Princess Parlor. All the little girls got to wear princess dresses, have their nails sparkle painted, make-up done with face jewels and have their hair done with sparkly clips and ribbon scrunchies. All I had to provide was the cake: a massive, fondant covered, iridescent princess castle. I really outdid myself. No one could believe that I had done it myself. The girls got to take home a pink feather boa and a little fuzzy pink purse with lip gloss, body glitter, powder and some jewelry inside. They were in heaven. All the girls clustered around Z when she opened her presents and looked like we had cornered the market on pink, sparkly, pre-school glamour.

Q's construction party was much more low-key, but I think it was just as fun. I made a hard hat cake with construction cone candles. Too cute! We had planned a picnic in a park with cake and punch and all of our friends and family. Earlier in the week, the weather was perfect. I had even dressed the kids in shorts. But, this being Texas and all, the weather changed. It went from the mid-80's on Thursday to the low 40's today. I guess it was a good thing I totally dropped the ball and hadn't invited anyone. Heh.

We ended up doing the cake and punch part, but we did it at home with just us, the grandparents, Sister L and her husband R. Who needs a park when you have a doting aunt and uncle? Sister L is better than any park! Q is particularly fond of R because he is so willing to play pirates with him. In fact, it was R who introduced him to the game back at Christmas by putting his eye patch on him for the first time. Q turned all gifts into part of his piratical ensemble: the knight costume, the pirate accessories, the lion in the Fisher Price jungle, the vacuum cleaner. It was all good. Aaaaaarrrg!