Yogurt

Though I will try to be discreet, this post is about a delicate area topic. If you are at all squeamish or embarrass easily, I suggest you skip it. Seriously.





I went to the lady doctor last week and was prescribed a course of antibiotics for a minor malady. I had to take a pretty strong one, Keflex (the green ones that smell like poop), twice a day for ten days. Ladies, I am sure you know where this is going.

I woke up on Easter morning suffering from the predictable, if unfortunate, side effect antibiotics have on girly bits. So of course, I wear black microfiber for an outdoor luncheon and really work up a sweat. Because I'm smart like that. Also? I was desperately hoping that I was mistaken in my self diagnosis.

By early evening, it felt like I had poison ivy in a place where no one should EVER have poison ivy. Oh, the agony! Luckily, I had a stash of Diflucan leftover from a previous antibiotic script. Hmmm. It was six-plus years old. Would it still work? Dr. Dad-in-law said it would. And I'd know by the next day if it didn't, so no biggie, right? Down the hatch!

In the meantime, it felt like I was wearing wool undies. I needed a few things for symptom relief while the pill was getting into gear. Unfortunately, the chillies were wired for sound on Easter chocolate and I couldn't bring myself to subject the world to them. T was on duty, but was planning on coming home for his break around 10:00. Excellent! I asked him to pick up some Acidophilus and some plain un-sweetened yogurt. I didn't want to ask him to get the hardcore stuff because a.) Diflucan has always worked for me before; and b.) I didn't want him to burst into flames at the check-out counter.

A few hours later he comes home with a couple of bags of groceries. Desperate for relief, I start digging through them. Aww! How nice! He brought me my favorite cookies! And ice cream to go with it! He is so thoughtful! I find the Acidophilus and am hunting around for the yogurt. It's not in the bags so I check the fridge. I don't see it, so I check the bags again. I notice the ice cream isn't a brand we have gotten before. Wha?

It was frozen yogurt. Artificially sweetened vanilla yogurt.

The laugh I had might have been worth it if the itching hadn't been so miserable. I explained that the yogurt was for, erm, medicinal purposes. 'Artificially sweetened vanilla' was not, in fact, the same as 'plain un-sweetened.' T's eyes bugged out like a cartoon character's as he digested that information. "I just thought you were having a craving. Vanilla is plain, right?"

He still gets points for the effort.