Warrenty Expired

Yet another fun-filled doctor appointment, optometry-style.

• I have yellowing of the lenses.  Diagnosis: pre-cataracts.
• My macula (of macular degeneration fame) isn't all sparkly like macula are supposed to be.  Diagnosis: pre-macular degeneration.
• There is a giant hole in my field of vision, a symptom of glaucoma, that caused me to flunk my peripheral vision screening.  Luckily(?), it is probably caused by a small growth on my left optic nerve.
• I have some kind of health issue (blood pressure/cholesterol/diabetes/thyroid) causing me to have massively dry eyes, which leads to
• Calluses!  On my eyeballs!  On the up side, the calluses probably keep me from feeling how uncomfortable my contact lenses are.  Um, yay?
• For the first time ever, having my eyes dilated rendered me close to helpless.  I was safe to drive my car (distance vision wasn't affected) but couldn't see to sign my name to pay for my appointment.  At my weekly lady's lunch afterward, there was much razzing about my blown pupils and did my policeman husband know about my recreational drug use?

The only good news is that I have not contracted presbyopia from Sister K, as I previously suspected.  (I know that you can't catch presbyopia, I just started noticing symptoms after Sister K described her new-found need of/resistance to cheaters.)   And, I don't need bifocals.  Barely.  For now. 

On the down side, my contact prescription is so wacked out that they don't have anything even close to my prescription in stock.  They sent me home in two ill-fitting contacts that make me squint worse than my outdated prescription did!  The special order trail lenses have yet to arrive - a week after the appointment!  Blah.

I also discovered that Wester is where every pair of boring glasses frames goes to die.  When I finally found a pair that flipped my skirt up, they were CRAZY expensive and the shop didn't take my pidly insurance.  More blah. 

I guess I'll be experimenting with a little internet frame shopping.  I just hope I can find something to accommodate my massive cranium.  As most women's glasses make me look like I wandered into the kids' department, that will be yet another adventure.  I am hoping to find some really funky cat-eye frames.  Rhinestones a total plus! 

What the heck happened?  On the inside I'm still just a kid!  Will someone send the memo to the rest of me?  Thanks.