Bad Realtor Glossary

You're coming in a week? Great! I'll have everything ready! - I will run into the office ten minutes before you get here and make a half-assed effort to find what you need.

Limited inventory - I am only willing to show you the houses I have listed so that I will make the maximum amount of money off of you. Screw your needs and/or time table. What do you mean you found more houses on the internet?

This house is SO cute! - This is my friend's house and even though it meets none of your requirements, I am going to show it to you anyway!

I am in the process of getting an SUV - I know my car smells overwhelmingly of the pine-tree-shaped air freshener under the seat. Sorry about the car sickness!

This house has a GREAT lot! - The house meets none of your needs, but the lot is huge.

You don't want to live on the west side of town - Here let me show you some houses on the west side of town. Boy, that squad car sure will come in handy!

The area is a little industrial - Turn right at the porn shop, drive through the trailer park past the oil field equipment supplier and stop at the house surrounded by the butt-ugly chain-link fence.

This house has such potential! Wait until you see the updates! - They have painted over the worst of the graffiti and blood stains.

The former owner loved to entertain. - Yes, there is a stage in the backyard. Also? These two random outdoor bathtubs? Are for beer! Try not to step on the broken crack pipes.

I'll call you back this afternoon - I am too cheap to take you to lunch, even though it is totally tax-deductible and I did a terrible job this morning. I'll pick you up this afternoon in the parking lot of the restaurant I didn't take you to for lunch.

This owner totally over decorates! - Pay no attention to the burglar bars! And don't look too closely at the gaping fractures in the brick hidden by that over-the-door swat!

This is a great neighborhood! - There aren't any houses for sale here now, but let's go look at some I sold last year.

There's no hurry, right? - I would like for you to start your new job while living in your car.

I'll call you first thing after our staff meeting in the morning! - You will never hear from me again.


  1. That sounds TERRIBLE and exactly like our move to Michigan! Sorry I know it sucks. What I can tell you is even 4 years later I'm still ticked off. Wait that's not good or happy news. Dang it, I'm trying this whole new "nice and positive" thing, but it's HARD! I'll try again later. Keep your head up and stick to your guns!

  2. We're selling our house right now, but I can relate from when we bought our home several years ago. Our realtor back then was taking us to some scary houses- ones I didn't even want to step foot in!

    One had floor that was REALLY slanted, one was on a really busy main street in a city I did not want to live in, another had a door on the top floor that led to the outside, yet there was nothing but air underneath!

    Oh, and when I found the house I wanted (on the internet) and told her I wanted to see it, she dragged me out to a different house in a different city and tried to convince my husband and I to buy it instead! She really tried to talk me into looking at something else rather than the one I picked out and really liked! She must have had some reason for that...

    Turns out my intuition was right- the house I had picked out on the net is the one I'm sitting and writing this in- it was truly the right home for us... until 3 more kids later ;)

  3. That sounds like a nightmare!! I can't imagine someone being so incompetent, especially when their livelihood depends on it!!

  4. Sounds familiar! Been there. Good luck with the move.

  5. good luck with the move! I left something for you on my blog! :)

  6. Hi.
    I'm stopping by from the MBC Comment Club to say hello!

  7. I am laughing at the glossary, but feeling totally sorry that you have to deal with Realtors!

  8. Oh I hate...hate moving. Considering I just did it LOL! I'm with you on all of this...sometimes realtors are CRAPPY! Good luck on the changes I'll be thinkin' of you!

  9. Blood stains, outdoor bathtubs and crack pipes...now THAT"S the South I used to know!! LOL OMG! I know the real estate market is bad, but DAMN! LOL

    I hope you find something that meets your needs very soon. I can't wait to be able to buy our own house.

    And what's wrong with a boy named Janet? It couldn't be any worse than a boy named Sue! =P


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