Warranty Work

Warranty Department (WD) - Thanks for calling I.M.U. How may I direct your call?

Me - There is something wrong with my sleep setting.

WD - Describe the problem please.

Me - Well, I'm really tired, so I get ready for bed and lie down. Once I'm there I simply can not go to sleep.

WD - How recently have you purchased a new mattress? Are you dressed comfortably for sleeping? Is your bedroom dark? Is the temperature cool?

Me - Umm, five years ago. Yes. Like a tomb. You could hang meat.

WD - Do you drink caffeinated beverages?

Me - Of course. Mothers of small children run on caffeine. It's never kept me from sleeping before.

WD - Well, you are getting to be that age... Perhaps you could cut back? Only drink it in moderation?

Me - What is this 'moderation' of which you speak? I know it not.

WD - Ahem. Do you have any unusual stresses in your life right now?

Me - Not so much. Let's see... I have a strong-willed first born, a sickly second-born, my husband is a cop, my mom has Alzheimer's, my dad has leukemia, I'm overweight and at risk for all kinds of dread diseases, I'm ready for another baby and my husband isn't. Oh, and I might be moving.

WD - (long pause) How do you feel about tequila?